Despite its ripe opportunity to deconstruct our continuing obsession with technology and 24-hour-seven-days-a-week "connectivity," One Missed Call falls firmly into the thrill ride camp -- or at least it would if it were remotely thrilling. A remake of the Japanese horror film Chakushin Ari, the film follows a group of college students who die mysterious deaths after appearing to receive voicemails from their future selves. Shannyn Sossamon (A Knight's Tale) plays Beth Raymond, the lonely coed who races to uncover the secret of these strange cell phone calls. Edward Burns (The Holiday) is Jack Andrews, the cop Beth enlists to help her stop the cycle of death before it strikes again.
Despite its arrival on the tail end of Hollywood's obsession with Asian horror -- suggesting commercial more than creative motivation -- One Missed Call seems at least superficially poised to comment upon our dependence on cell phones, blackberries and other means of around-the-clock communication. Technological paranoia notwithstanding, however, one might hope at the very least for some kind of creepy meditation on mortality transmitted from the future. After all, there is something fairly fascinating (in concept at least) about hearing the exact moment of your own death. Not to mention the decidedly less philosophical but equally compelling mystery that could be spun just from the idea of two or three people trying to avoid dying after receiving their calls.
Sadly, even with three obvious and relevant ideas available, screenwriter Andrew Klavan (Don't Say a Word) and director Eric Valette (Malefique) opt for none of them. Instead, they craft a generic and unscary monster movie that telegraphs every suspenseful moment, clarifies every minute twist or turn with dull, expository dialogue, and yet never explains why these poor bastards get the messages. The evil force responsible for these calls, whose identity I will not reveal, has nothing to do with cell phones at all, much less the victims in the film, which begs the questions how and especially why it chose to sign up for an unlimited nights and weekends plan in order to exact its fiendish designs upon a bunch of dim-witted college kids.
It's an admittedly easy but completely appropriate statement to say that Sossamon and Burns phone in their performances as the film's heroine and her would-be rescuer. Both once-promising performers now waylaid in b-movie hell, they seem well-suited to star opposite one another, but hardly encourage sympathy (much less interest) from the audience. Burns in particular seems exasperated to have to appear in dreck like this, playing the "cop with a heart of gold" character without deviation or enthusiasm. But Sossamon appears to be more preoccupied with how many zeroes her paycheck added to her bank account balance than uncovering the origins of the supernatural killer preying upon her and her friends.
Otherwise, the film feels like a flaccid combination of Boogeyman (is there something really supernatural afoot?) and Final Destination (when and how creatively will the next one die?) -- albeit without the former's existential mystery or the latter's wicked imagination. Ultimately, One Missed Call shows inspiration only in one small area -- the casting of Ray Wise (better known as Laura Palmer's father, Leland) as a TV producer who creepily exploits the tragic string of deaths -- and itself inspires only in another: via pun-heavy one-line dismissals of the film by critics and pundits.
Borrowing from this bottomless well, perhaps it's best to say that you should hang up, turn off your phone or even cancel your service should this film attempt to reach out and touch you. But lest you require something deeper, more insightful or even culturally relevant said about One Missed Call, hopefully it suffices to say that the only comment it makes is that most horror movies these days express little or nothing at all about the world in general -- especially when studios release them at a time when they hope audiences will forget them, no matter whether they're thrilling, thoughtful, or (in this case) neither.
1 out of 5 Stars, 2/10 Score
